Scream, To Be Heard
by AlexGeeeeIsLove
Summary: Isobel is trying to hold her family together after the death of her oldest brother, Daniel. But will the reckless behavior of her other brother, Alex, tear the family apart despite her efforts? An ATL fanfic! Alex Gaskarth/All Time Low
1. Like You Needed Anymore Attention

I breathed in, a deep sharp breath. The winter air hit my lungs, sending a cold chill throughout my body. I sat on the bench in the park, waiting for my brother and his friends to get done with their acoustic performance at the radio station up the street. I traced patterns in the snow, thinking about how much I missed my now dead oldest brother, Daniel. Everyone knew he felt ignored, how could he not feel that way? When your younger brother is becoming a rockstar, getting girls everynight, and getting in no trouble for coming home at ungodly hours completely wasted...anyone would feel that way.

But suicide? Was that really the only answer Daniel could come up with? He was always smart, and made good decisions. But _suicide_? It was never something I, or anyone for that matter, would expect Daniel to do. It tore my family apart. My parents started getting harsher on Alex when he came home wasted at 4 in the morning. If they had only known that this was his way of coping, drinking the pain away. To the point where he was so drunk he couldn't feel a thing. It seemed pointless to me, to do that. It wouldn't make anything better, and your life would just go by more quickly.

I sat, staring at the swingset across from me. I thought about all the times Daniel had brought me to the park, and pushed me on the swings. I thought about all the times Daniel had taken me anywhere, despite plans he had made before-hand. All the times he had dropped dates to spend time with his little sister. Alex had never done that. Alex had never taken me to the park. He had never passed on hanging out with girls to spend time with me. He had never skipped band practice so he could stay home and watch movies with me. Alex was a jerk, so why did Daniel have to be the one to die? Why couldn't it have been Alex? I clenched my hands into fists, bunching the ends of my coat sleeves into my hands. I felt my cheeks flush with anger. I hated Alex. Hated him. It was his fault Daniel was gone, no one elses...not even Daniels. It was Alex's, and if you looked at him, you wouldn't even think Alex gived a damn. But he did. Because Daniel was his big brother, and he loved him. The same way that he loves me. Just because he hides behind this facade, doesn't mean that he doesn't love us.

I heard snow crunching under feet, and turned around. Alex and his best friend, Jack, were walking up to me. I saw a bottle in Alex's hand and felt a pain surge through my chest. He was already drinking? It was only what? Noon? Maybe a little after? Jack held out a hand and I took it. He pulled me up so I was standing inbetween him and my brother. I reached for Alex's bottle. "You're not old enough Iz." He shook his head, taking a swig.

"Neither are you." I replied, trying to stop the waver in my voice. You would never know it but I was holding back tears. Tears that I had been holding back for weeks. I still hadn't cried about Daniel. But then again, neither had Alex. The only one's who had cried were my mother and father. My mother hadn't stopped crying, in fact.

"But I'm older than you, I can handle it more." Alex argued, starting to walk towards his car.

"Obviously you can't. You're becoming an alcoholic Alex. You need to stop." I almost wanted to take the words back as they slipped out of my mouth. I had already tried to convince Alex to stop once, and that ended in the worst arguement he and I had ever had. He had gotten angry, and had thrown at bottle at me. Which I failed at missing, and it had broken on the side of my head. I only bled a little, and by now was almost healed. Alex had felt horrible afterwards, and had promised to quit drinkng, but broke that promise when he came home the next morning hammered.

Alex turned around, giving me a death glare. I gave a nonchalant face, when on the inside I was screaming. Screaming at him to listen to me so he didn't end up dead, too. "I am not." He snapped. I bit my tongue, holding back all of the things I wanted to tell him to prove him wrong. In the end my temptation won, and I couldn't hold it back any longer.

"Yes you are. You come home wasted, every morning. The first thing you do when you get home is drink. You skip band practices so you can get drunk in some alleyway. You are becoming an alcoholic Alex, and you need to stop before -" but I stopped myself. I wasn't ready to actually talk about Daniel.

"Until what?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow at me. His eyes were still blazing with anger.

"Nothing." I shook my head, "Forget I said anything." I whispered.

"No, tell me. Tell me why I should stop drinking? It makes me feel good. I've already told you." Alex pushed me to tell him what I had failed to say.

"Because, I don't want you to die. Like Daniel. I can't lose both of my brothers." I snapped, walking away from him and Jack. I could walk home, it wasn't that far away. Plus, the silence would help me think. I kicked at the snow on the ground as I walked down the lonely side-walk that lead to my neighborhood.

I felt puny. Like the whole world was going to come down on me any minute and crush me. Was this how Daniel felt? I shook my head, shaking away thoughts of my brother, shaking away the person he had been just a few weeks ago. Not even a month ago my family was whole. Now, it was broken. Like an uncompleted puzzle, missing it's center piece. I felt as if any moment my family would fall apart and the world would come up from under my feet. It was a dizzying feeling. But I had become used to the feeling now, it seemed as if it was a part of me now. A part of my new personality.

I had ignored my friends for days, some for a week or two. I couldn't talk to anyone, knowing all they would say is "I'm sorry." But then again, that's all anyone ever says. Even if it's not our fault, we say I'm sorry. Half of the time, we really aren't sorry. Most of us could care less. I realized that about two weeks after Daniel had died. So I dropped all my friends, never to talk to them again. They didn't care.

I felt my phone vibrate in the pocket of my peacoat. I pulled it out and saw my mothers name flashing across the screen. I took in a deep breath, the cold air hitting my lungs for the second time that morning. I hit the answer button and held the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?" I asked, it was almost a whisper.

"Isobel? Where are you? I thought you were coming home with your brot - with Alex. Are you okay?" My mother, Isobel, asked in a rush. I had the same name as her, although most people preferred to call me Iz or Izzy.

"I'm fine, Mom. We just got into a little arguement. I'm on my way home right now." I replied, looking down the street ahead of me and seeing my house. I saw Alex's car in the driveway, and two people. I recognized one of them as Alex, and the other must have been a girl. He seemed to have her pinned against the car, kissing her neck. I could only think of one person it could be, Lisa. I walked across the street to the other side-walk. "I'm home, Mom." I replied, hanging up the phone. She had been ranting, but I wasn't paying attention. I walked up my driveway, past Alex and Lisa.

"Hey, Izzy, wait!" I heard Lisa call to me. I turned around and she was walking towards me. She was a short brunette, but she was really pretty, and really sweet.

"Hey Lisa." I put on a fake smile, but she saw through it. I expected her to, she and I had become good friends, and she knew how I felt about the whole Daniel thing.

"Hey, how about tomorrow I take you shopping? To get your mind off of things." Lisa smiled. Alex was leaning against the car, staring at us. "I haven't talked to him, but screw him. I want to hang out with you, and cheer you up."

"Yeah Lis, that sounds like a good idea." I nodded, looking down at her. I was a few inches taller than her, but it made a difference.

"Good, I'll come pick you up tomorrow. Just call me when you're ready to go." She smiled, walking back over to my brother. I waved goodbye and walked into the house, the warm air hit me hard.

"Mom, I'm home." I called, walking through the rooms on the first floor. I couldn't find her. I walked up the stairs in the front hall, planning to go to my room and take a hot bath. I turned the corner at the top of the staircase and walked down the hallway to my room, thats around the time I saw my mother. She was curled up in the fetal postition inside of Daniel's room. I saw her through a crack in the door. I didn't even bother with taking my coat off as I ran into Daniel's room. As soon as I passed through the door way it hit me, like a tidal wave. A feeling of empitness, and bitter hatred. I forced the lump that had now formed in the back of my throat down and hid behind my facade.

"Mom." I whispered, sitting down beside her. She sat up, wiping tears from her bloodshot eyes. She had barely slept lately, but none of us really had.

"What are you doing?" She whimpered. I immediately wanted to reach out and hug her, and tell her everything was fine. But that would be lying.

"The question really is, what are _you_ doing? Mom, you knew what would happen if you came in here. You're only making it harder for yourself." I whispered, closing my eyes, forcing myself not to look at anything. I couldn't break down, not here, not now...this wasn't the right time.

"I needed closure." My mother started sobbing again. "My little boy, he's gone!" I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing tears to stay in. I don't know how long we both sat there, my mother crying as I tried not to. I got up when I heard the garage underneath the room open. I stood out in the hallway as my mother got up and left the room as well. I watched her take a key out of her pocket and lock the door, before she walked past me and down the stairs. I had to force my eyes away from the door to Daniel's room as I heard Alex running up the stairs. I turned and looked at him as he turned the corner, making his way to his room, which was right across the hall from mine.

"Hey Iz." Alex mumbled, opening the door to his room. He stopped when he saw the look on my face though. "Yo, what's wrong?" He asked, enveloping me in a hug.

"When I came upstairs, Mom was in Daniel's room...she was in the fetal position, crying her eyes out." I whimpered, that puny feeling from before was crashing over me again.

"What? Is she okay?" Alex asked, worry dripped from his words. He cared.

"Yeah, I took care of her. It's awful in there Alex. It's like you can feel Daniel is with you." I shuddered in his arms. He let go of me, holding on to my shoulders.

"You went in there?" He asked. I nodded. "Why aren't you crying?"

"I would be, believe me." I replied, walking away from him and into my room. I really needed something to calm me down. I walked to my personal bathroom, one of the many advantages of being the only girl. Although, the amount of time Alex spent in the bathroom, you'd think he was a girl, too. I turned on the water in the tub and stripped out of my clothes. I turned off the water before the tub overflowed and slowly slid into the tub. The warm water gave me goosebumps. I put some bath salts into the tub and felt the roughness of the salt against my bare legs. It was oddly comforting. I laid in the water until it got cool. I stepped out of the tub and wrapped my towel around my body. I walked into my room and got dressed in a big neon yellow t-shirt and a pair of black Soffe shorts. I sat on my windowseat, looking down at the snow down below. I remembered the day we found about Daniel. I remembered his funeral. I remembered the little part of his goodbye note he had dedicated to me. I got up and walked over to my nightstand. I reached for the handle and pulled it open with a trembling hand. I picked up the letter from inside, and held it in my shaking hands. I could barely read the writing I was shaking so much. I didn't even try to as tears fell down my cheeks and I screamed out. The reality of it all, finally settling in.

**New story? Well, of course. I actually like the idea of this one, so I'll probably update it soon. Please review and tell me what you think, and if I should continue! P.S. I'm pretty sad about the face that paranormal-alchemy is like...gone :/. I was pretty devastated when I found out. Anywho, I hope you liked it :D.**


	2. Throw The Bottle

I sat in Starbucks, looking out of the window at the cars driving by. I looked down at my mug, slowly tracing the rim with my finger. I sighed, looking back up at Lisa.

"Iz, did you hear me?" She asked, "Are you okay? Alex called me last night and said you were screaming." I looked away from her, my attention was turned back on the cars outside. I noticed my brothers car in the parking lot. I wanted to be angry about it, but I couldn't bring myself to be mad at Alex. He had been there for me last night. He had helped me when I needed help the most, and now I felt that no matter what he did...I could never hate him. "Isobel Claire Gaskarth! Answer me." Lisa all but screamed. I looked back over at her as I watched Alex walk in.

"I'm fine Lis, really. It was just...I had held my emotions back for too long, and my barrier broke." I shrugged nonchalantly as if I hadn't just given away one of my biggest secrets.

"You cried?" Lisa asked, taking a sip of her mocha and nibbling her biscoti. I slowly nodded, silently hoping Alex would walk over any minute now. My wish came true as Alex wandered over to us, but he brought along one of his friends, Rian, I think was his name. "Oh Alex, I'm glad you got my text." Lisa smiled, pulling the chair beside her out so Alex could sit down. He looked over me once, and gave me a sympatheic look. I nodded back ever so slightly, so no one would notice.

"Iz, you know Rian, right?" Alex asked, trying to make conversation. I nodded, looking over at Rian. I slumped back in my seat, staring at my coffee mug. The other three started talking, but I tuned them out. I continued to stare out the window, and play with my mug while they were talking. I snapped out of my thoughts when Rian shook me a little bit.

"Hey Izzy, we're leaving..." Rian made a hand motion to the two empty seats in front of us, and then I looked around for my brother and his girlfriend. Rian pointed outside and I knew that he meant they were waiting in Alex's car. I nodded and downed my cappucino, following Rian out of the coffeeshop.

Alex's Audi was parked on the far side of the parking lot, and I could see him and Lisa making out beside it. Did they ever stop? I sighed and put my hands in my pockets, making my way over to the car behind Rian. I wasn't in the mood to go shopping with so many people, but when did it ever really matter what I wanted? Answer: Never. Rian cleared his throat as we neared the car and Alex and Lisa stopped sucking face.

"Oh, where did you wanna go shopping Iz?" Lisa asked, smiling at me.

"Anywhere's fine with me." I answered, not even attempting to smile.

"Jack said he and Zack are going to the mall. How about we meet up with them there?" Alex asked, looking at Rian and Lisa. They both nodded, and we all piled into my brothers car. I was silent the whole car ride. No one noticed. No one cared.

The mall was pretty empty for a saturday. Especially since it was so close to Christmas. We met up with Jack in Victoria's Secrets.

"JACK!" Lisa yelled, acttacking him with a hug. I stayed back and acted calm. The truth is, I like Jack. I have for a long time, but I'd never told anyone. I seemed to always get butterflies in my stomach when I was around him.

"Hey Lisa," Jack laughed, pushing her off of him gently. "Hey Isobel." Jack smiled at me.

"Hey Jack." I smiled, blushing a little. I saw him smile even wider, before he turned to talk to my brother. I made my way into the part of the store for teens. I looked around the pink room, maybe there was a reason it was called PINK. I looked around a little bit before picking up a pair of sweats that said "PINK" on the ass. I picked out a few pairs of underwear too. One pair said "You heart Me" on the back, while another pair said "Get naked, I've got an idea." I felt someone behind me and turned to see Jack. "OH my GOD. You scared the shit out of me!" I screamed, hitting him with a thong that was in my hand. He took it from me and looked at it.

"I like this, a lot. You should buy it." He winked, making me blush.

"Jack, quit trying to get in my little sisters pants, I mean really?" Alex groaned, walking over to us. He eyed the thong in Jack's hand. "You're not buying that." He said to me. I took the thong from Jack, got two more that were even sexier, and went to the cash register. I paid for my pants and my underwear, getting glares from Alex the whole time. I grabbed my bag off the counter and walked past him and the others, and off into the mall, ready for a day of shopping.

Jack had caught up with me after I left PINK and hadn't left my side the entire day. We went to all the stores I wanted to go to, and then we went to Hot Topic for him.

"Hey Isobel, what do you think about this shirt?" Jack asked, holding up a Blink-182 shirt. I nodded and Jack's face lit up. I loved his smile. "And this one?" He held up a Jack's Mannequin shirt, and I nodded again. I looked through the necklaces and earrings while Jack asked for my advice on shirts. When he was done looking at shirts, Jack looked at pants. I decided to look at the girl's shirts. I saw one that I liked, but it was All Time Low, and it would be weird to wear a shirt with my brothers band name on it.

"Buy it Isobel." Jack whispered from behind me. I turned and looked at him. He had scared me.

"Why do you always call me Isobel?" I asked, forgetting about the shirt.

"I dunno, I think it's a pretty name." Jack shrugged.

"I think it's because you have the hots for my mom." I stated, walking past him.

"Or it's because I have the hots for you." Jack said from behind me, again. I turned to look at him. He was serious.

"You...like me?" I asked, it was barely a whisper. Jack nodded, his eyes never leaving mine. I felt a smile creep onto my lips, and I couldn't help but hug him. He squeezed my thin frame tightly, kissing my cheeks and my nose and my hair, and everywhere else on my face except for my lips.

"Jack what the fuck are you doing with my sister?" Alex asked, walking into the store. I let go of Jack and turned to face my brother.

"I almost started crying again, but Jack was comforting me." I lied. Alex seemed to believe me, so I paid for my shirt, and Jack paid for all of his things.

"Who want's ice cream?" I heard Jack ask. I raised my hand, along with Rian and Zack. Alex and Lisa didn't raise theirs.

"Me and Lisa are gonna go out to dinner tonight, so can you guys please get Iz home right after you go get ice cream?" Alex asked, looking at his friends.

"Of course." Rian nodded, waving goodbye to my brother and his girlfriend as they walked to Alex's car. Jack wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to Zack's car.

"Here, try my cotton candy!" Jack smiled, shoving his spoon in my face. I eyed the pink ice cream but agreed to try it. Jack put the spoon in my mouth and I got the ice cream off in my mouth. I let it melt and then swallowed it. I took a scoop of my watermelon flavored ice cream and offered it to Jack. He nodded and I put it in his mouth. "YUM!" He smiled after he had swallowed it.

"Your cotton candy was good." I smiled, laughing a little.

"You're smiling," Jack smiled, making me blush. "I love it."

"It's hard not to smile around you, Jack." I heard Alex say. I face-palmed and put my cup on the table. Rian and Zack had left a few hours ago, but Jack and I had stayed.

"Alex, I'm sorry du -" but Alex cut Jack off.

"Come on Iz, you need to get home." Alex snapped, pulling me out of the booth. I pulled my arm out of Alex's grip and sat back down.

"Jack can take me home." I snapped, taking Jack's hand without thinking.

"Are you two..NO. I will _not_ let my best friend and my little sister date." Alex shook his head. "You barely know him."

"I do too know him." I snapped.

"Isobel, it's probably best if you...go home." Jack whispered. I couldn't look at him. I felt as if my heart was shattered into a million pieces. I got up, stormed out of the ice cream parlor, and walked home in the cold, while it was pouring rain. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck winter. Fuck rain. Fuck feelings. Fuck boys. Fuck family. Fuck friends. Fuck Daniel, for leaving me.

**Wasn't a big fan of this one, but oh well. Now, for a question since I haven't done one in so long. Have any of you read The Mortal Instrument series? Holy shit, I love those books, I would marry them if I could...no, I would marry Jace, for sure. Please review! And I most likely wont be able to update for a while since schools starting again this week, and I have all new classes. But I'll try! :)**


	3. Break The Door

I sat on my bed; my music was blasting through my headphones. I flipped through the pages of my sketch pad. I sighed and tossed it in the corner. I heard knocking on my door and went to turn my music up louder, when I noticed it was up all the way. Shit.

"Isobel! Open the god damn door!" I heard my brother yell. I ignored him, what was he going to do? Get mom? The next thing I know my mother has unlocked my door and is standing in my room with my brother and his friend, Zack I think.

"What?" I asked, turning my music off. My mom walked out of my room, leaving my brother, his friend, and myself in an awkward silence.

"We're going to a party tonight. Do you wanna come?" Alex asked, raising a bushy eyebrow at me.

"Nah," I shook my head. "I don't want to be near you."

"Listen, I didn't do anything. Jack didn't do anything. Stop being a little bitch and get a dress on. You're going to the damn party." Alex snapped, grabbing my arm and yanking my up off the bed.

"Get off of me!" I yelled, slapping him across the face.

"Bitch!" He yelled. I smelt alcohol on his breath. No, Alex, no. He brought his hand back and brought it down across my face. I felt my teeth graze my bottom lip, and then I tasted the blood. I wiped the back of my hand across my lip and glared at Alex. He had a smug look on his face.

"Asshat," I growled, walking to my closet. I grabbed a skanky silver dress off of the nearest hanger and slipped into it.

It hugged my hips, moving with my curves. It was tight and stretchy, not to mention it just barely covered my lower parts. I was hoping Jack would be at the party. I could show him what he's missing.

I slipped on some silver heels and walked into the bathroom. I curled my hair, and straightened my bangs. I applied a little bit of make-up. I put on some bright red lipstick and walked back out into my room.

I got a silver clutch and threw my phone and some money into it. Just in case. I walked across the hall to Alex's room and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Alex called.

"Your sister, I'm ready." I yelled back. The door opened and Alex and Zack stepped out looking pretty snazzy.

"That dress looks good on you." Alex smiled, walking past me and down the stairs. Zack did the same and I walked down last, taking a look back at Daniels door.

The party was in some mansion down the street from us. I didn't know the people's names, but they sure threw one hell of a party. I sat down near the steps and loned it. No one wanted to talk to me. I didn't give them reason to.

I noticed the girls I used to be friends with not too far away and debated going to talk to them, but then didn't. Soon enough they came up to me.

"Izzy, what are you doing here?" A tall blonde asked. Her name was Morgan, but everyone called her Mo. She had dated Alex at one point.

"Yeah, we thought this was the last place _you_ would be." A tall brunette asked. Her name was Monroe. She fucked Alex at one point.

"My brother brought me, Alex." I answered. I looked around and saw him in the corner with Lisa, Rian, some other girl, Zack, another girl, and Jack.

"Why haven't you talked to us?" Monroe asked, making me look back at them.

"I've been pretty…distant, lately. I wouldn't be a very good friend to have at the moment." I shrugged, standing up. They were both tall but I still towered over them.

"Where are you going?" Morgan asked as I started walking over to my brother.

"I'm sorry guys, but it would be best if we weren't friends anymore." And with that I snuck up behind Jack. I walked around him and over to Alex, taking his drink and downing it. Whatever it was burned my throat.

"I said this once, I'll say it again, you aren't old enough to drink." Alex snapped, grabbing his cup away from me.

"I think 17 is a fine age to be drinking." I smiled. "Besides, you're only 19, you aren't old enough either."

"I'm still closer to 21 than you, so fuck off." Alex rolled his eyes. I walked away from him and into the kitchen, in search of some alcohol. Maybe I would take after my idiotic brother and just drink the pain away.

"Don't do it." I heard someone say as I reached for a cup of vodka. I turned around and stared at Jack.

"Leave me alone." I replied, grabbing the cup and downing half of it.

"Stop it Isobel, don't be like Alex." He shook his head, reaching for my cup.

"No, mine," I shook my head, pulling the cup closer to me.

"Give it to me!" Jack said, reaching for it again.

"Never." I shook my head.

"I don't want you to end up like this. Not you, anyone but you." Jack whispered, looking me in the eyes. I stared at him for a few minutes. "Come talk with me." He took my free hand and led me out back.

We walked down a path in the backyard, straying away from the lights of the party.

"Look, Isobel, I don't know how to say this….I don't normally get girls." Jack scratched the back of his neck. "I guess I'll say it as simply as I can. I like you. No, no. I'm _crazy_ about you. Head-over-heels even. I haven't stopped thinking about you since I saw you in the park the other day."

"Jack – I er, well….I like you too." I had trouble talking about my feelings.

"Oh, I see." Jack looked down, as if I had hurt him.

"Jack, I do. I like you. I like you _a lot_. I haven't stopped thinking about you either. In fact, I've liked you for years…" I trailed off, looking up into his eyes.

"Really?" He asked, flashing me a giant smile. I nodded, smiling. He reached down so one hand was on the back of my head and his other arm was twisted around my waist. He pulled me closer to him, our lips only centimeters away. Then I heard Alex. I heard Alex screaming. I heard people screaming. Bottles were breaking everywhere. I got closer to Jack, I was scared.

Jack's warm body welcomed me. I felt safe. I breathed Jack in. Oh god, this boy was like heaven.

"Jack Bassam Barakat! Get the hell away from my sister!" Alex slurred. I didn't pull my face out of Jack's chest, I was scared to.

"Alex, leave us alone." Jack replied. His voice echoed in his chest, sounding funny in my ear.

"No! I will not let my little sister and my best friend date!" Alex screamed, his words all jumbled together.

"Jack, he's drunk." I whispered up to Jack.

"Shhh, I know. It's okay. I'll take care of this." Jack whispered back, stroking my hair. He shrugged out of his jacket and gave it to me before confronting my brother. I slipped into his warm jacket. It smelled like him.

"Alex, you have a fucking problem bro. You need to go home, get some rest, and then go to some fucking AA meetings." Jack glared at Alex.

"This isn't about that, this is about you with your hands all over my baby sister!" Alex yelled.

"I'm not going to hurt her! Let her have a fucking life Alex! You didn't used to give two shits about what she did! Why do you care now?" Jack screamed, pointing at Alex.

"I am not going to lose another one of my siblings." Alex spat.

"You're not losing her. She'll be fine with me!" Jack pleaded. "Just give us a chance." Alex stood there for a minute or two, not saying anything. He looked back at me and looked at Jack.

"Take care of her, okay?" Alex asked, looking at Jack with big brown eyes. I saw Jack smile before he gave Alex a bear hug. I giggled and Jack turned to look at me.

"Come here, baby!" Jack smiled, motioning for me to come over to him. I smiled and walked into his arms. He walked us into the house and then out to his car. I got in the passenger side as he got in the drivers side and started the car. "Where do you wanna go?" He asked.

"Anywhere," I smiled, leaning back into the seat. He reached over and grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers. "…as long as I'm with you."

**Things seem to be looking up, don't they? I bet they won't stay that way for loooong :). Review, review, review! Q: If you were an animal, what would you be? It's a lame question, I know, but answer it. Hmmmmmr, I think I would be…I really wanna be Nemo, off of Finding Nemo because he's the shit. But I'd have to say I would probably be a lion. **


	4. And Disappear

I pulled on my peacoat and slipped on my combat boots, tucking the bottoms of my black skinny jeans inside. I didn't lace the boots up. I took one last look in the mirror. A plain v-neck, a black vest, black jeans, black boots, and my black peacoat. Black was definitely my color today. I flipped my bangs out of my eyes, grabbed my purse, stuffed my phone in my back pocket and headed downstairs.

Alex was sitting at the kitchen table, eating something. I casually walked past him and out the front door. I thought I was in the clear until I heard the front door shut behind me.

"Where do you think you're going?" Alex asked. I sighed and turned around to face him.

"Out." I replied, shrugging.

"No, Mom and Dad told me to watch you. So if you're going somewhere, I'm going with you." He shook his head.

"No, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." I glared.

"I'm going with you." He shook his head again.

"No, you aren't. Call Jack or something, have him come over! I need to do something, by _myself_." I snapped. I ignored him as he yelled at me and got in the car. I shut the door and pulled out of the driveway before he could do anything about it.

I came up to the steel gates about ten minutes later. I parked the car outside. I got out and walked to the gates, pushing one open. It squeaked and I bit my lip. I walked along the dirt path. I knew exactly where he was.

Daniel's grave was fresh, and new grass was just starting to grow out of the ground. I sat down next to it, tracing the letters with my fingers.

"Hey big brother," I smiled a little. No one else was around, so I didn't feel weird about talking to a grave. "I miss you." I looked around for a few minutes, thinking of what to say. I knew what to say, but I wanted to say so much. I wanted to ask why he did it, I wanted to tell him about how Mom and Alex are dealing with it. I wanted to tell him that he's ruined our family. I wanted to scream at him, to tell him that I was never going to forgive him for this. But I couldn't do it. I turned my gaze back on to the tombstone. "I wish you were here, I wish you could comfort me, and tell me everything's going to be okay. But if you were here, you wouldn't have a reason to do that. You know Alex's friend Jack? We're dating now. He's really nice, but I don't think Alex is too happy about it. He doesn't like the idea of me dating his friends," I laughed a little. "I don't know how the rest of my life's going to play-out now...now that you're gone. I probably won't make the best choices, since you won't be there to give me advice. I'll probably suffer through a lot of pain. But each day, I'll grow a little bit stronger, and eventually I'll be smart enough to make the right choices. You always told me 'Look at the brightside of things', this is me looking at the brightside of all of this. So thank you, Daniel. I love you."

Somewhere in the middle of my little speech I had started crying. I hadn't even realized it until I was curled up in a ball on top of my brothers grave.

I don't know how long I laid there crying, but eventually it started to get dark and I started to make my way home. Jack's car was in the driveway, and I couldn't hold back my smile. I parked the car on the curb and ran into the house.

"I'm home!" I called, taking off my peacoat and hanging it at the bottom of the stairs. Alex and Jack yelled to me from the living room. They were laying on the floor watching a movie, Wall-E to be exact. I smiled and took off my boots before laying in between Alex and Jack. Jack moved his hand so it was almost touching mine.

"Where did you go?" Alex asked, pausing the movie and turning on his side so he could look at me.

"I went to see Daniel." I whispered, not looking him in the eyes.

"Why?" He asked, the sharp edge in his voice made me look at him.

"I don't know, I just needed to." I shrugged. Alex stood up and walked into the kitchen. I heard a few cabinets slam and I knew he was drinking again. He was always drinking. I sighed and stood up, walking to the stairs. Jack followed me.

"Babe, just...hold on a second." Jack called after me. I turned and looked at him. I was on the verge of tears, and he could tell. He pulled me into a tight hug, but it was comfortable. "Wanna talk about it?" I just nodded and we headed up to my room. As soon as Jack closed the door and turned to face me I attacked his lips with my own. I needed a distraction. He kissed back, but kept his hands to his sides. I pulled away and looked at him.

"Do something Jack." I begged. He shook his head. I pulled completely away from him and stormed over to the other side of my room. I looked out my window. I felt Jack's arms around me a few minutes later.

"I'm sorry, but I want to take things slow with you..." He whispered in my hair. I nodded and continued looking out the window.

We stood there for a while, until Jack said he probably needed to get home. I kissed him goodbye and then got ready for bed. I was about to lay down when I heard a crash in the hallway. I got up and ran out of my bedroom door. Alex had thrown a bottle of Hennessy at Daniel's door.

"Take that you no-good piece of shit! You've ruined this fucking family!" Alex screamed. I tried to grab his arm but he pushed me away. He continued to yell at the door. "Did you ever think about what killing yourself would _do_ to us? No, you didn't! Mom needs you, Dad needs you! Iz needs you! I need you!" Then Alex sat on the ground with his head in his hands, crying. I sat next to him and held him while he cried. It was all I could do, and that tore me apart. I wanted to tell him everything would be okay. I wanted to be able to look him in the eyes and tell him Daniel was coming back. But I would be lying. Everything is not going to be okay, and Daniel is never coming back.

**It feels like it's been years since I've written anything, and I apologize. I actually have a good idea for this story, I'm just lazy :s. Question: Which is better, Apple Juice or Orange Juice? Uhm, mother fucking apple juice, duh. I love apple juice, I drink it alllllllll the time. **


	5. Sing Me To Sleep

Things were getting really bad, really fast. Dad wouldn't come home for days at a time, Mom had stopped cooking dinner, and Alex was drinking and crying more and more. But I stayed strong. I had to. Not only for me, but for everyone else, too. If I wasn't there for them, who would be?

"Izzy, I'm hungry." Alex said from the couch. He had been napping off a hangover all morning.

"What do you want?" I asked, walking into the living room. Most people would get really pissed off if their 19 year old brother told them that he was hungry just so they would make him food, and before I had to do everyone else's work, I probably would have, too.

"Grilled cheese?" He asked. I nodded and smiled. Grilled cheese's were easy to make and I could have it cooked and the mess cleaned up in no time.

I went into the kitchen and made him his sandwich, took it out to him, and then went back into the kitchen to clean the dishes. While I was cleaning, someone came up behind me. I jumped and turned around. Jack was standing behind me, smirking.

"Oh, thank god it was you." I sighed, leaning against him.

"You seem exhausted babe." Jack frowned, rubbing my back.

"I am, trust me." I sighed again, going back to doing the dishes. I felt Jack take the sponge away from me.

"Here, I got this. You go upstairs and rest, I'll come up when I'm done." He whispered in my ear. I kissed him before going up to my room.

A few hours later I woke up in Jack's arms. I rolled over and touched his cheek, making him open his eyes.

"Good morning beautiful." He smiled, kissing me. I looked at the time, it was 9 o'clock. I sat up in the bed.

"I have to go cook dinner, and make sure Alex gets in bed…" I started but Jack cut me off.

"I took care of everything. Your Dad's home, your Mom cooked, and Alex is asleep. He didn't drink tonight." Jack smiled.

"Since when did I become the one in charge of everything?" I asked. "When did Alex getting to bed at a decent time matter to me? When was getting dinner cooked on time one of my priorities? And since when did I have to worry about my mother and father's marriage?

"When Daniel died. When Daniel tore this family apart. No one ever cared to ask if I was alright. The only person that mattered was Alex, the only person that has ever mattered in this god damn house is Alex!" I started crying. I couldn't take it. I had never realized it until now, but Alex was the only child my parents ever cared about.

They bought him guitars, paid for his singing lessons, bought him a car, gave him money whenever he asked for it. They never grounded him, even if he came home completely trashed. He was the favorite. Their star child. And Daniel and I were ignored.

And Daniel couldn't take it, so he killed himself. Something I could never do…something I never thought about doing. But suddenly thoughts of it clouded my mind. Different ways I could do it, if I should leave a note or not, or if I should just do it and get it over with.

_Hey Iz_, I heard a voice in my head say, _I miss you. You should go through with the suicide thing so I won't have to be alone up here. Mom and Dad won't miss you, and neither will Alex. Jack will understand. Your friends are gone and you're unhappy. Do it. I hope I'll get to see you soon little sis. _

The voice belonged to Daniel, and he was telling me to commit suicide. He was telling me that it was something I should do. I looked over at Jack, who was watching me with sad eyes. I kissed him gently after I stopped crying.

"Come on; let's go do something to get your mind off of this." He whispered. I nodded, got ready, and then headed out with him. I stared at him the whole time, knowing that I wasn't ready to give him up just yet.

_You can wait Daniel, _I thought to myself, _You don't deserve anyone right now._

**_So this is mad short, I'm so sorry guys. I've been so busy, but I'll keep writing and keep updating. I just want to know how many of you are actually still reading my stories. I understand if some of you gave up on me because I haven't posted a new chapter in like a billion years, but I'm still here guys, I promise. I love you all, and I'd really like reviews... :) Question: Which weighs more, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? Our math teacher asked us this and 11 people in the class got it wrong, high schoolers are dumb nowadays. (I was one of the few that got it right, btw ;) ) Review, review, review! _**


	6. I'll See You In My Dreams

"Sometimes I wish I could wake up and not feel that awful, familiar ball of gut-wrenching dread at the thought of another day. Another day of smiling, pleases and thank yous, do this do that, grin and bear it, 'I'm fine', 'Get your head out of the clouds.' Another day of the same people and trivial problems and meaningless chatter and everyone's talking and no one's listening and no one is looking and no one see's anything. Another day of daydreaming about the futures, another day of feeling helpless and stuck. I wish that would all go away and I could be free to just travel, do what I want, think for myself, do something that scares me every day."

I read that off of my computer screen, and I smiled, a real smile. It was like someone had taken my diary, read through all the pages, and actually paid attention enough to know exactly how I feel and put it into words. But, I don't have a diary, and if I did, I wouldn't put anything important in it. What if someone had found it, and read it, and decided that I was in a serious state of depression and said I needed to go to "therapy"? That would not be fun.

I was smart, in a sense. I could lie to anyone's face, I could be on the verge of suicide – which I am – and no one would ever suspect a thing because I _pretend._ It's like, for me, life is a big game. I have to act fine, and put on a show for everyone else, and the whole time I have to make sure no one finds out that I'm pretending to be okay. It's not easy, believe me. But then again, in my life, nothing is.

"Iz, are you up?" I heard my mom yell up the stairs. I opened my bedroom door and yelled back down to her. "Breakfast is ready, come get it!" She yelled in response. I rolled my eyes and continued getting ready. Alex walked into my bathroom.

"Are you not eating?" He asked. I shook my head. "Why not? You could never pass up food, what gives?" He asked.

"I'm not hungry this morning?" I shrugged, straightening my hair. He rolled his eyes and walked out of my room.

I sighed and finished getting dressed. I wore pair of distressed skinny jeans, a Pierce the Veil t-shirt, a light gray cardigan, and a pair of black vans. I looked at myself in the mirror, cursed myself for looking hideous, and then left the house with Alex. He picked up his friends and soon I was squished in the back seat in between Jack and Rian.

"It's almost the end of senior year baby!" Alex whooped, pulling into the parking lot. "Too bad you've still got a year to go, little sister. Who ya gonna bum rides off of next year, you don't have any friends?" Alex teased.

"Hopefully I won't even be here by the end of this year." I mumbled to myself, flipping him off, and walking inside the school. Jack caught up with me and spun me around.

"Hey, you totally ignored me in the car, what's wrong?" Jack asked, looking into my eyes. Oh god, those eyes. I wanted to tell him everything right now, but I couldn't. I shook my head and kissed him.

"Alex is just annoying, that's all." I smiled, lacing my fingers with his. We walked to our lockers in silence, but it was comfortable.

I went to my first class, which was Algebra 2. I understood absolutely none of it, and had a run in with one of my ex-best-friends who decided that she was going to make her seat right beside mine. This meant that we would have to talk at some point in time, and I had been hoping it would be later rather than sooner, but she had other plans.

"Hey Izzy, why didn't you text me over the break?" She asked, "I mean, I would've liked to have heard from you. I heard about Daniel, and I wanted to know how you were holding up, but no one was ever home when I came over and you never replied to my calls or texts. Are you okay?" Brandie asked.

I just stared at her. 'Are you okay?' she had asked. _Am I okay? Am I fucking okay? Do I look okay to you? Do I look happy, and upbeat, and chipper like I used to be? Do I look like I've been eating, do I look healthy? Do I look like I haven't cried myself to sleep for the past week? No, I didn't think so. So, no I'm not okay, bitch._

"Yeah, I'm fine. I mean, I miss him and all…but he's gone now, and mourning over him isn't going to bring him back." I nodded. _Why did you do that, you liar? _

"You sure?" She asked. I nodded and started copying down the notes. I didn't pay attention I just copied down what was in the book, not letting anything sink in. When the bell rang I was one of the first ones out of the room. But, Brandie followed me. "Hey Iz, wait up!" She called after me. I turned around and looked at her. "Sit with me at lunch…unless, there's someone else you want to sit by…" She winked. I raised an eyebrow at her. "I saw you and Barakat, don't pretend that nothing's going on there." She laughed before finally leaving me alone.

In my second period, I sat next to some guy who thought he was hot shit, so I had to deal with him trying to hit on me the entire class. I rolled my eyes and got up when the bell rang, leaving him behind. In my third period, which was English, I sat by myself. _Ah, peace, finally. _I smiled to myself.

The teacher, Mrs. Jackson, assigned us a paper that was due at the end of the class. It was supposed to be about the worst thing that has ever happened to us and how it has affected us. I got out my notebook and started writing. I handed in my paper to the teacher once the bell rang.

I went to the rest of my classes and then, at the end of the day, found Alex in the lobby so we could go home. We were about to leave when someone came up behind us, and tapped my shoulder. I turned around and saw Mrs. Jackson.

"Isobel, we need to talk, about your paper. I've called your parents, they're on their way. I think it's best if you stay, too, Alex." She said grimly. We walked to her classroom and waited until my parents came walking in.

I swallowed and tried to remember what I had written, I was coming up blank. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and looked at the four faces in front of me.

"Mr. and Mrs. Gaskarth, today I assigned the class a paper. Their assignment was to write the worst thing that has ever happened to them, and tell me how it affected them. I think you should see what your daughter wrote." Mrs. J put the paper in front of my mom and dad, and they read it. Their faces went pale and my mom looked like she was on the verge of tears. What had I written?

**Hey cutie pies, ;). Look, it's a cliffy. The next chapter will have the paper in it, just so you know! So, the big long quote thing at the top was something off of polyvore that I saw, it kind of…inspired me to write this chapter! I hope you liked it! Question: What's the worst thing that has ever happened to you, and how has it affected you? I know it's a difficult question for some, so you don't have to answer it if you don't want to. Reviews make me write faster. I love you guys! **


	7. Waiting To Say

_The Worst Thing That Has Ever Happened To Me_

_Isobel Gaskarth_

_January 4, 2006_

_English 3_

_ I hate when everyone says 'I'm sorry.' _

_ No, you're not sorry, because you haven't been through what I've been through. And you can not feel sorry for someone unless you know how they feel, and you understand them. No one understands me. _

_ A few weeks ago my older brother, Daniel, committed suicide. He was my best friend, my mediator, my brother, and now he's gone. Vanished. Buried in the ground to rot for eternity because his life was so messed up, because he was ignored by my parents and unloved by our brother. No one understood him, except me. And, no one understands me, except him._

_ If I could go back in time, and change it, I'd make him live, and let Alex die. Alex doesn't care, Alex never cared. You know what he does? He drinks all the time, and yells, and hits, and curses, and he never gets in trouble for it. Which leads me to believe that my parents don't care either. _

_ I'm ignored now that Daniels gone. I'm going through what he went through, and it sucks. I'm starting to understand why he did what he did. It was the only way to be noticed in our messed up family. Because in our house, unless you are Alexander William Gaskarth and you're a musical genius, you're going to be ignored by Mom and Dad. _

_ I'm starting to think that no one loves me now. Not my Mom, or my Dad, or my brother, or even Jack (who is probably the best boyfriend in the world because he's always there for me). I'm kind of alone in this world, trying to find out how to live my life. I need someone. I need Daniel._

My mother put her hand over her mouth, leaned into my father's side, and started crying. I dug my fingernails into the palm of my hand. _I didn't want them to read my paper. It wasn't meant for their eyes. _I thought to myself.

Alex just stood up and walked out of the room. Not saying anything. My mother and father got up and followed him out. I turned to the teacher. "See what I mean?" I asked, getting up and walking out of the classroom as well.

I didn't see my Mom and Dad's car outside so I decided to just walk home. Somewhere along the way Jack called me.

"Isobel, where are you? Alex is home, and so are your parents, I'm worried sick!" Jack yelled.

"My parents left me at the school, because I'm not fucking important enough to them. I'm not Alex so I obviously don't matter. Tell them to pack my shit up, I'm leaving home. I don't need them, I don't need anyone!" I screamed, hanging up the phone.

I probably shouldn't have blown up at Jack, but I was so mad that I would have blown up at anyone. I meant what I said though, I was leaving home. I didn't need anyone; I could live on my own. I had money saved up, I could get a job, and I would be fine.

When I got home Jack was standing at the front door.

"Isobel, thank god!" He yelled, running to me and hugging me.

"Jack, not now. I need to get all my shit, and I need to stay at your place tonight." I said, walking inside.

"I've already talked to my mother, and she said it's alright!" Jack beamed. I looked back at him, knowing I would break his poor little heart soon. I started to hate myself. _Good, hating yourself makes it easier, _I heard Daniels voice in my head. I nodded and headed up the stairs. My stuff was packed in two suitcases, but it was mainly just clothes and some CD's. I'd have to come back for everything else later.

I grabbed one suitcase while Jack grabbed the other and we headed out to his car. I ignored my Mom – who was crying. I ignored my Dad – who was yelling. I ignored Alex – who was telling me how sorry he was for being an asshole. I ignored them because none of them cared, my Mom didn't care, my Dad didn't care, and Alex didn't care.

The car ride with Jack was silent and I could feel the tension between us. It started raining while we were on our way to his house so he had to slow down a bit to see in the dark. I told him to stop when I saw an apartment building I knew had a cheap rent – I knew some people who lived there, and if they could afford it, I knew I could. Jack had asked me what I was doing when I got out and went inside the main building. The apartments were kind of nice; I was surprised that they were so cheap.

After talking with the head manager lady about renting an apartment I went back outside to Jack, I opened the car door and asked him to pop the trunk. I got my stuff, set it inside my apartment and then went back outside to talk to Jack.

He was leaning against his car, looking more serious than I had ever seen him before. "So this is it then?" He asked, looking up at me through wet bangs. "Are we over now, too? You don't even want to stay with me for one night? I can help you Isobel, I can help you with anything you need! I want to be there for you! I want to love you! And goddammit I want you to love me too. I want to be something; I was us to be something. I want to help you feel better; I want to show you that everything is going to be okay. I'll make it all okay.

"You obviously don't want my help. Alex told me about the letter. Your parents told me about the letter. You think no one loves you, you think no one cares? Well fucking guess what, Isobel, I love you. I've always fucking loved you. Your parents, Alex, your old friends that you ditched, they love you! Everyone fucking loves you and you sound like you're about to throw it all away like Daniel did –"

I cut Jack off. "Don't even talk about Daniel like that, Jack." I said calmly. It was a type of calm that Daniel had called scary-calm. It was when I was more than mad, more than furious, and just so angry that I was scarily calm.

"Like what? It's exactly what he did and you know it. He gave up, he quit when things were getting bad. That's all he's going to be remembered for, is how he gave up." Jack snapped.

"Jack, shut up. Just fucking shut up! You didn't know him like I knew him. You don't know what he went through; you don't know what I go through. So just shut up!" I started screaming, tears were rolling down my cheeks. Jack came over and wrapped his arms around me, and I let him, because even though he was acting like the biggest douche ever, I needed him.

"You're right. But suicide isn't the answer." Jack whispered.

"You never know Jack." I shrugged. He pulled away and looked at me. I started to walk to my apartment, the cold winter rain pouring down on me. I was already soaked from head-to-toe.

"I just want to find out what the ending is." Jack called after me.

"Do you really love me?" I asked, turning to look at him.

"More than anything, and anyone." He smiled.

"Then I'll tell you how it ends…" I trailed off, looking at the moon. I looked back at him, and brushed the wet bangs out of my eyes. "They all die."

**Mmmm, there's that letter. So, I mean, Izzy's like, mad depressed. Do you think she's going to follow in Daniels footsteps soon? Who knows? Questiona: Do you like pickles? Friiiick, I used to eat those really big pickles like all the time in the summer with my Dad, it was kind of our thing. **

**Oh yeah, I got tickets to see The Maine in Chicago on June 4****th****. I'm fuckin' stoked brah. I screamed in class today when my mom texted me and told me she scored the ticks, I was like "I love you Mommy!" and then screamed out loud, let's just say I got in trouble. For texting, and disturbing the class….buuuuut enough with my boring life. Please review kiddies. **


	8. I Miss You

After the whole "They all die" incident I had been ignoring Jack. I figured he must have thought I was crazy by now. No one in their right mind would say something like that.

I pretty much loned it in my apartment. I didn't eat, I only drank water, and I slept a lot. I didn't expect anyone to come visit me; no one knew where I was. Except Jack. I was surprised when I heard a knock on my door on Friday. I got up, walked to the door, and slowly opened it.

Jack was standing there, with his hands in his pockets, looking absolutely adorable. His black skinny jeans, blue plaid shirt, and blue Nike Dunks matched his black and blue cap. I looked up into his brown eyes and just stared.

"Isobel, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." He whispered. "I was an asshole, and you deserve better than that." He reached for me but I just stepped aside and let him in. He sighed and walked into the living room area. I leaned against the door and looked at him. He looked at me, trying to think of something to say. We sat there for a few minutes as he thought. Finally he opened his mouth to speak.

"I never meant to hurt you, in any way. I never meant to make you cry, or make you angry, or make you feel unloved. I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. I don't know what I would do without you. I need you; you make me a better person. I used to be this douche-dragon that went around sleeping with random girls, not having long relationships. I used to drink a lot you – know how Alex and I were.

"Then when I saw how sad you were, how small and fragile you got. How _vulnerable _you looked after…you know what happened, I felt like I needed to be there for you. I had liked you, for a long while, but I felt like that was my chance to be there for you – to show you how much I cared. So I took it, I went for it, and I fell in love with the most beautiful girl in the world.

"I never wanted to see you hurt, ever. And you know how much I hate myself, knowing that I'm the one hurting you? A lot. I'll never hurt you again, I promise, I swear. I'm so sorry." He apologized, looking me in the eyes.

"Jack, I forgive you. I'll always forgive you. I love you, too." I whispered, feeling hot tears in my eyes. I wrapped my arms around him, and smiled when I felt his arms wrap around me as well.

"Will you please go talk to your parents and Alex? Please, for me?" Jack whispered. I looked up at him, biting my lip. Maybe, I could go see them. I sighed and smiled at Jack, kissing him quickly.

"Sure, but just for you." _And a little bit for myself, but mainly for you._

After a long shower, thirty minutes of arguing with Jack about what looked best on me, and then ten more minutes of driving, we finally made it to my parents' house. Jack parked in the driveway, and I took my time getting out of the car.

I looked down to make sure what I was wearing was appropriate attire to see my parents, distressed skinny jeans, a plain white v-neck, and a black vest. I think so. I got out of the car, grabbed Jack's hand, and walked inside.

"Izzy?" I heard my mother ask, walking into the main hall. I smiled and waved. She ran and engulfed me in a hug. "Oh, I missed you sweetie, please come home."

"Mom, let's talk about this, okay?" I asked, laughing a little to lighten the mood.

"Peter, Alex! Isobel is here!" My mother yelled. I heard footsteps upstairs, and footsteps in the kitchen. I saw my father appear from in the kitchen, and my brother appeared from the top of the stairs.

"Hey sis, back already?" Alex laughed, walking down the stairs and doing one of those bro-hugs with Jack, before hugging me tightly. My dad smiled and hugged me.

"Let's go into the living room." My mom smiled. We all walked into the living room and sat down. My father sat in his chair, my mother on one of the couches, my brother beside her, and then Jack and I on the opposite couch.

"Izzy, please come home. We all miss you; we'll promise to give you attention – if that's what you want. We'll give you anything you want." My mother begged.

I thought about it. I doubted that I would receive any attention, but they were my family. They deserved a second chance. I hadn't unpacked anything in my apartment yet anyways. I sat there, holding Jack's hand and thinking about it.

_Don't fucking do it, Isobel. They're lying to you. They will never give you any attention because guess what, your name isn't Alexander William, and you're not the star child. You aren't worth their time if you don't have some sort of talent, if you're not going somewhere in your life, if you're not going to be someone or do something. You're not perfect enough for them. _I heard Daniel's voice in my head.

_Yeah, well guess what Daniel, Alex isn't perfect either. He fucks up, he does stupid shit, just like any normal person. If I've learned anything these past few weeks it's that Alex is not the kind of person to envy. He drinks too much, and curses. He can't keep a promise for shit, he does things wrong. He forgets to do things, and he makes Mom and Dad angry because no matter what you think, he's not their favorite. They don't have a favorite. _I thought back to the voice. There was no reply, because I was right.

Mom and Dad didn't have a favorite, if anything, they loved Daniel and I more than they loved Alex. They scolded us when we did bad things, to teach us to stop, so we wouldn't hurt ourselves. Every time we got in trouble it was for our own good, because they loved us, and because we had so much going for us. We were smart, and we were going to go off to college. But Alex, he was going to be a musician and drinking and partying is a part of that lifestyle. I finally understood why he never got punished.

I looked up at my parents, and then I looked at Jack. I smiled at him, before turning and smiling at my parents and my brother. "I love you guys; you mean the world to me. I'm sorry I acted out. I was just…so depressed over Daniel; I didn't know why he did what he did. But I think I've figured it out." I smiled. So we spent the next few hours discussing what I had realized over the past few weeks.

"Alex will take you to get your things, dear." My mother smiled, motioning to Alex. He smiled and we stood up and went out to the car.

"You really think he felt that way?" Alex asked, looking at me. I nodded. "You don't feel that way, do you?" He asked.

"I did, for a while there. But I had an epiphany." I laughed.

"Good, because I used to think you guys were the favorites, not me." He laughed. I hugged him, and he hugged back. It was the first time we had actually hugged since I was 7, and he was 10.

"Mom and Dad don't have a favorite. Or maybe they do…" I looked up at the sky. "Yeah, I think they do." I smiled, getting in the car in-between Alex and Jack.

We got my things, and paid the last rent on the apartment, and then went back home. _Home,_ I thought, _this is home. Home is where your family is, after all. _

I took a shower, and got my things put back in their places, before having a nice family dinner. I guessed it would always feel like a part of our family was missing, it just seemed right for it to feel that way though.

Mom let Jack come over after dinner, and we stayed up all night in the basement watching movies with Alex, Lisa, Rian, Kara, Zack, and Flyzik. I sat in-between Jack and Lisa, who was snuggling into Alex's side. Rian and Kara were lying on the floor and Zack was sitting in the recliner. I held Jack's hand tightly, and he wrapped his arm around me, pulling my body closer to his.

"I'm going to go get some more popcorn." I whispered, getting off the couch and walking up the stairs and into the kitchen. I was putting the bag in the microwave when someone came up behind me. It was Jack. It was always Jack. I smiled at him and punched the numbers into the microwave before turning and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"How about, we have our own party up in my room?" I smiled. He smirked and picked me up, carrying me up the stairs and into my room. He laid me on the bed and then hovered over me. He kissed down my neck, gently. And that's when it happened.

It wasn't my first time of course, and it obviously wasn't Jack's first time. But it was the first time for us, as a couple. I loved every second of it, because we didn't fuck – we made _love. _We fell asleep in my bed, in each other's arms. I waited until Jack was asleep, and then I looked up at him.

"I love you." I whispered, and it was true, I did love him. Then I fell asleep.

**Jack's P.O.V. **

I waited for her to fall asleep, but I heard something before she did. She said she loved me. I couldn't help but smile, and then I was saying it back, and I meant every word. I loved her, too.

"I love you, too." I whispered when I knew she was asleep.

**Booyahkasha! That was just adorable wasn't it?(: I think this story is coming to an end children :l, I don't want it to end, ever! I love this story. Soooo, I think I might extend it, :D. You should love me for doing that. OR you can hate me. I'd rather you love me :l. Okey doke, question: WHO THE FUCK IS READY FOR DIRTY WORK TO BE RELEASED? Like for real, when do they plan on releasing that shit? I want it, now. I can't stand it anymore, they keep releasing all these new songs and I'm like "I want the album, dammit!" Oh god, I'm rambling now. :l Oh, and if any of you cutie pies want to follow me on twitter and/or tumblr, just ask for my shit, because I can't think of it right now. Please Review and tell me how much you love this story!(:**


	9. I'm So Sorry

**(7 years later)**

"Be careful with that!" Jack cautioned me, running across the packed-tight living room to stop me from lifting one of the many boxes. He smiled at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Jack, honey, just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't do anything." I laughed, walking around him and over to an open box. I started getting things out so I could start decorating our new home. I took out some of our wedding pictures and sat them over top of the fireplace. Jack came up behind me and started kissing my neck. "Jack, stop it." I giggled, unwinding his hands from my barely pregnant-looking belly. "I think I'm gonna go out for a little while, I'll be back." I whispered, kissing him and getting the car keys.

I got in the car and just drove, not really with any place in mind. That was until I came across the graveyard, where I saw Alex's car parked. I parked next to him, got out, and made my way to Daniel's grave. Some how I knew where Alex would be, because I saw him standing there, with his hands in his pockets.I walked up behind him and lightly put my hand on his shoulder, I felt him shaking underneath my hand. He was crying.

"Alex," I whispered, "What are you doing here?" He wiped some tears from his eyes and turned to look at me.

"I could ask you the same thing, you know." He laughed a little, hugging me tightly. "So when is this little fucker supposed to pop out?" Alex asked, poking my stomach. I slapped his hand away.

"Don't call my baby a fucker, Alex. But, to answer your question, it should be born in about 2 months. Give or take a week." I laughed, taking his hand and walking him back to his car.

"You know we're supposed to be touring then, right?" Alex asked, leaning against the side of his car. I was standing by the drivers-side door of mine. I looked down at the ground, and wiggled my toes in my flip flops.

"Yeah, I know." I nodded, "Oh well, the baby will just meet its father when you crazy kids come home." I smiled. He just nodded back, before getting into his car. I got into mine and drove off. The whole way home I couldn't stop thinking about Jack being gone when the baby was born. Not to mention that we had just moved into our new house, and I would have to take care of things by myself. It was going to suck dick, but I could handle it. Because if Jack was happy, I was happy. Right?

**(2 and a half months later)**

Jack was on tour, and here I was sitting in the hospital with my parents, Jack's parents, and Lisa. I screamed as I had another contraction, and grabbed the first hand I could find. It just so happened to be Lisa's. I squeezed the fuck out of her hand, which caused her to scream in pain. I smiled apologetically at her and she nodded back, but traded places with my mother. A nurse walked into the room and said something about how I was ready to give birth to my child.

"It's about fucking time!" I yelled, having another contraction.

They got everyone out of the room before having a doctor and a few more nurses come in. One nurse grabbed my hand, another was standing by a table, and the last one was standing by the doctor, who was luckily a woman.

"I'm going to need you to push," The doctor ordered. I nodded and started pushing. It hurt like a mother fucker and I didn't like doing it - at all. I grunted and pushed again. The baby still wasn't out. I pushed again. Then again. And again. Then finally I heard crying in the room. I looked up at my baby. It was a little girl. I felt myself start to cry, and then they let me hold her. I held her in my arms, looking into her brown eyes - Jack's eyes. I smiled, letting a tear fall from my eye. I hugged her tightly, but not too tight. She was fragile. Then the room was empty, except for me and her. Soon enough my family came in, along with Lisa, who I considered part of the family.

"Would you guys like to see her?" I asked, smiling. My mother and Jack's mother smiled, coming over to me. I let each of them hold her, and then Lisa held her, and then my father held her, and then Jack's father. Too soon the nurses came and took her from me. When they took her it was like everything became dark and saddening. Lisa excused herself, and then came back a few minutes later with a laptop in hand. She set it on my lap, and opened it. She was logged into my Skype. She clicked on something and then Jack's face popped up, and it was moving. I realized that we were video chatting then, because I'm dumb and didn't realize it before.

Everyone said goodbye and left the room so I could talk to Jack in private.

"Hey baby, how do you feel?" Jack asked, smiling.

"My vagina hurts. But other than that I feel good," I laughed. "How about you? Do you feel like a father?"

"Not yet, but I will as soon as I come home. Do you feel like a mommy?" He laughed, flipping his bangs out of his eyes.

"Of course," I nodded, "She's so beautiful, Jack. She has your eyes."

"She?" Jack asked, suddenly a huge grin spread across his face. "Yes! My wish came true!"

"You wanted a girl?" I asked, kind of shocked. He nodded fiercly. "What do you want to name her?"

"Kevin McCallister." Jack smiled, but stopped when I gave him a look that said no-fucking-way-am-I-naming-my-_daughter_-that. "I'm only kidding. Hmm," He sat there for a few minutes, just thinking. "Alaska Jade Barakat." I fell in love with the name as soon as I heard it. Sure, it was a little different, but I thought that it suited her well. We talked for about a half-hour, but then he had to go perform, and I was exhausted from child birth, so we said goodnight and ended the chat.

I fell asleep thinking about how amazing life would be when Jack came home, and how I would have that happy family I always dreamed about.

**Woot woot. This chapter sucked major dick, but whatever. The next one will fersure be better! Sflhsalkfslakdj, I've been jamming out to the Dirty Work mash-up all night, dudes. I think this album is going to be amazing. It sounds a bit different from their others, in a sense that it's more pop than punk, but to me I don't like ATL because of how their music **_**sounds**_** - although that is a contributing factor. I like their music because of the lyrics, because I can connect with what Alex sings about, not because of the way the music sounds. Their new album might be a little more poppy than I would like, but it still beats shit like rap, which is pretty much only about sex, drinking, and drugs. Ahhh, rambling. Anyways, reviews? I'll love you if you review. **


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